Mountain-Alchemist

I feel to have lost my vision, there’s a screen in front of me, and it’s loud. Moving forward to myself, or at least what I believe are ideas and interests that are reflections of myself, is increasingly feeling like moving through mud. I’ve experienced this before, the resistance to anything to coincides with me.

Like most things, I know it’s a meaningless battle, in the sense that it is ultimately my domain that I live in regardlessly. So at any turn of the army, against each other, I religiously command them both. I’m not exactly sure what posses this territorially battle of forefront consciousness; It is hard to think out these thoughts inside my own head, but strangely enough they translate through the movement of my digits somewhat more effortlessly and with less scrutiny.

It’s always been somewhat frustrating to me, knowing what the mind is capable of producing and contributing, but seemingly having a sort of fractured conciseness. Not in a literal sense, but I do feel like I am multiple streams of influences attempting to funnel through a bottle neck constantly.

The idea of who I am has seemed to be lost in the obscurity. Though, maybe this is the problem, focussing too much on me, the loci of self, If I wanted to be close to the feelings and views, and thoughts and philsophies I see infant of me, I would remove my self from the equation. By that I mean, I would stop looking at myself through the third person, it’s only a partial glimpse of what is actually there.

Again, this allagory has been used countless times, by others beside me, but it is the idea of holding water or capturing wind. I’m sure the answer is right in front of me, somewhere. All I know right now, is that the mind cannot hold and organize all of this at once, without writing, I do not know where I am.

07/07/26